“I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. The force of the impact grabbed her face first, through the windshield. She disappeared almost immediately through the trucks grill. My seat belt almost snapped, that’s how strong the impact was. I was drunk, she was drunk, the truck driver was drunk, but i’m the only one that’s not dead. Sometimes… sometimes I regret not joining them. I mean, I was part to the blame,” Danillo said, wiping away his tears.

“There’s a reason you’re alive, Danillo.” Danillo looked up at his sponsor. He smiled at Danillo gently, reassuringly.

“Yeah, but at what cost? I have to live with the guilt of killing my wife everyday. Everyday I look to the left side of my bed hoping she is going to be there and…” Danillo lowered his head in shame.

“I’ve told you about Olina, haven’t I?” asked the sponsor. Everyone looked at each other, each judgmental eye verifying they had indeed known the story the sponsor was referring to. The sponsor looked down at the floor, trying to collect his thoughts. The story of Olina had been a sensitive subject.

“She was just 7 years old. And for ten whole years I’ve lived with the guilt of taking that little girls life. I remember the impact, I remember the scream, I remember the family’s cries. I found out the little girl had cancer. She was dying and I thought that little piece of information would make me feel better, but it didn’t. In order for me to be a better person, I had to forgive myself. I had to move on. I’m not saying its going to take ten years, Danillo, but it’s going to take you forgiving yourself. I’ve helped so many people, saved so many lives. My justice, your justice… It shouldn’t be to live in guilt, but our judgement should be a permanent obligation. Preventing people like you and me from becoming the monsters we think we are,” the sponsor said with a smile and a hand on Danillo’s shoulder. The circle began to clap, moved by the words of their sponsor. Danillo shook the sponsors hand and smiled happy to have been encouraged.

“So…does that make you innocent, sponsor?” someone in the circle asked. He had not joined in on the clapping. He was not moved by the words of his sponsor, as he sat there, staring at the ground. The sponsor turned to the member in curiosity.

“No one here is innocent. But we can’t live our lives in guilt,” the sponsor stated softly.

“Olivia,” The man replied just as softly.

“Excuse me?” asked the sponsor.

“The girl you murdered… The one with the cancer, her name was Olivia. You called her Olina.” the man looked up at the sponsor, eye to eye. There had been an even longer moment of silence. The circle of alcoholics eyes traveled back and forth between the sponsor and the strange man. The sponsor had not recognized the strange man. Their circle had increased by one new member, finally bringing himself into existence to the group.

“Olivia?” the sponsor had finally broken from his trance as he tried to think back to the little girl. He was sure her name was Olina.

“Yes, Olivia. Since you can’t even get her name right, I’m guessing you hadn’t realized that little girl had just beaten her cancer. They received the good news the very night you killed her. She skipped ahead of her parents that night after their celebration dinner, thanking God for life. Your car mowed her over, while she was skipping on the side walk. You saw a cat and tried to save the cat’s life and took Olivia’s. I believe the cat story you told the judge bought you three less years in jail,” The man declared.

“Who are you?” the sponsor asked.

“Me? My name is Timothy. I’m the guy with the gun at the hearing six years ago, Olivia was my daughter.” Silence broke through the room again, but it was loud. The silence became deafening almost making their ears pop. The two men stared each other in the eye, each reliving their own memory. The sponsor had a bad feeling, a gut feeling that something really bad was going to happen. He couldn’t quite come to terms of accepting it, he couldn’t quite explain it and he most certainly didn’t have an idea of how to stop it, but his gut feeling grew stronger the longer he stared the man in the face.

“So what now?” the sponsor asked already knowing the answer. Timothy pulled out a gun from his messenger bag. The circle all gasped in fear as they moved their chairs back.  The sponsor remained still. He smiled at his fate, he could see “the end” at the back of the gun barrel.

“Now I do what I was suppose to do in the courtroom six years ago,” said Timothy in a calm tone. His hand remained steady, it had not trembled or shook. There was a cold and dark vendetta in his eyes, hate in his heart, death in his hands.

“Timothy, please don’t do this,” the sponsor cried out in fear. It had come upon him suddenly, fear. It gripped his heart and began to tug.

“For a long time I hated you. I dedicated myself to ruining your life, but I couldn’t bring myself to approach you. I was going to leave you alone. I had finally gotten over my anger, until I found out you were sponsoring a group of killers, encouraging them to move on past their notorious misdeeds that have ruined and taken the lives of others. You try to  help these misfits, these alcoholics to move on past their guilt, but it’s their guilt that prevents them from killing again. You think you deserve to find peace? What about me? What about Danillo’s mother in law, you think she found peace? No, Danillo’s mother in law hates him, tried to poison his pie one day. Isn’t that right Danillo?” Timothy asked, turning to the frightened alcoholic.

It was true, his mother in law had tried to kill him. She blamed Danillo for her daughters death. She never approved of Danillo marrying her only daughter, her best friend, her baby. She always told her that Danillo was going to run her right into the ground. She never imagined he would literally do it.

“You failed to realize It’s the guilt that connects them with their victims,” Timothy continued. ” You… you try to help them be better human beings; live peaceful lives; try to help them sleep at night; give them appreciation for sitting at the dinner table with their families, while we… the hurt fathers; the angry mothers; the lonely siblings; the grieving widows eat alone in our corners, because there is no such thing as a family dinner anymore. Because you have take it from us. Who are you to be at peace while we remain in turmoil?”

The circle remained silent. One of the female recovering alcoholics began to panic. Tears and fear loitered her face as she gripped her seat, prepared to run. The sponsor held his hand out, blocking his face. He wanted to plead with Timothy, he wanted to say the right words to convince him to leave peacefully, but there was a certain resolve Timothy had that was visible to the sponsor and those around him. His gut feeling began to scream, letting the sponsor know he had been right. The sponsor knew Timothy wasn’t  going to let him leave the circle and there had been no words to change this.

“You want peace? You don’t have the right to find peace, until I give it to you,” Timthoy declared. He raised the gun to the sponsors head and pulled the trigger. The circle jumped up in tears as the sponsor fell off the chair, to his knees and then to the floor, face down. Blood spilled to Timothy’s feet. The crowd ran past Timothy in fear, crying and yelling as they fought to exist the room.

Timothy stared at the lifeless body. He smiled as he became captivated by peace. For a moment his mind slipped into a deep trance, glorifying the end of his vengeance. For so long, he contemplated the sponsors self-mandated retribution.He never thought he could feel this liberated from his pain. The blood continued to spread as the crowd desperately tried to open the door, but it wouldn’t budge. The group continued to scream, suddenly releasing Timothy from his trance.

“The door is locked from the outside,” Timothy declared, turning around and scratching his scalp with his gun. The crowd silently turned around to face him. Each developed a similar gut feeling the sponsor had developed, a feeling of inevitability. No one spoke a word, each fearful of their own disturbingly advent ends.

“I’m here to give you all the peace you came here looking for,” Timothy said with a small grin.