God I wish I had a picture of myself, fist to chin, black and white, surrounded by my some pure white backdrop. People tend to say that “Pictures are worth a thousand words.” Well, I don’t intend to be here all night writing about myself. People are liars… Or just plain ignorant. No… I choose to believe they are liars. “A picture is worth a thousand words”. I guess they merely mean that the photo is left open to interpretation. Which in fact means, there is no real truth, only an assumed  conclusion. We want people to see what we want them to see. The reason I am rambling on like this, which if you are reading this and I’m not quite sure why, is to mainly say… No one wants to show you the truth behind the smiling picture.

I’ll tell you a little about myself and you tell me if I have painted a clear enough picture for you.

I am a 26 year old African American man (boy at heart), Who lives with his mother and two siblings in a low-income establishment called “Edenwald” in the North of Bronx , NY. I hope I haven’t gotten a little too personal for you guys… Brace yourselves. I wanted so badly to say I was 23. A picture would probably tell you I am 20 years old. Maybe because I knew what I wanted to do at the age of 23, and just started pursuing it now. Ah, to be younger again.

Don’t get me wrong at all people. Life is not bad at all. Living in a low income apartment has it’s benefits. Living with four other people in a low income home has even greater benefits. I don’t have to clean the kitchen everyday, I’m not the only one purchasing tissue. You know, the small stuff. When i was living alone, I couldn’t afford alot of things. However temporary my stay is and trust me, it is temporary, I have to look at the good through the bad.

I cant blame anyone for my situation though. People like me tend to end up in these situations… Black people? No, God no… who told you that? No I mean people with similar personalities like me. I am a Pisces… Did you know that Pisces have the highest suicide rate in America between? Really, you didn’t know that? hmm, I guess because it’s not true… I hopre you’re not one of the gullible readers out there.

I guess what ever financial struggle I went through the last year that prevented me from pursuing my dream, wasn’t the only thing holding me back. You see, it’s in the nature of a Pisces to be Generous (giving all their money to people, if you see where I’m going then you know where my financial struggle started); We are extremely Lazy (I wish I was over exaggerating); We have so much potential… but we lack drive, always carrying a sense of defeat; And of course, naturally born with talent, intuition, wisdom, good looks… Ok, we don’t all come good looking, but we believe we are. I guess that’s all that counts.

I’m getting off track, where was I? Oh yes, I was explaining who I am.

Just recently I joined a writing group, to help with my writers block. I’ve been writing the same novel for three years, changing and editing, shifting and deleting and was never able to end the thing. So I kept changing and editing, shifting and deleting, until one day it came to me. It was like I was cured and all my strength had returned unto me. I kept writing and writing and the writing inspired me. I wanted to do more. It was like a new insight. I wanted to finish my B.A. program in school. I wanted to go for my MFA, but more than that. I just wanted to write. I couldn’t let anything come between me and my words, me and my pen. me and my keyboard. I had to eliminate all distractions.

Things just wasn’t working for me at the Job, so I left. I’ve been at the same dead beat, run down job for three years and It was holding me back from pursuing what I wanted. But I hadn’t learned. I left Bestbuy and  started working for Blackberry the company. It was an even bigger distraction. More pay, more distraction. I wasn’t satisfied. Is there someone out there who understands me!? I wasn’t satisfied and I had to do something about it, So I left. I went to google, through a temp agency i found right after Blackberry. Even more money, but an even bigger distraction. Alot more freedom to do what i wanted, but there was no substance. Everything I did wasn’t for myself, it was for the company. And however much I love google, I love my writing. Oh… If you think I’m about to say that I left google… No, hell no. I’m merely pointing out that i am still dissatisfied… but not a fool

I decided it was enough. I was going to pursue my dream of  becoming an Author. I have the funds to publish my book. There is no contingency plan, there is no back -up or other option. This is what I want to do, this is who I am and there will be no more argument, no more faltering, no more second guessing, because guess what…

My Name Is Quintin Coakley and I am a writer ,

There’s your picture… and I didn’t need a thousand words to say it.

(999 words)