His first love

The rain invaded the city as it unexpectedly fell from the sky. The sky had decided to cry that night. The sky wept for Matthew, as he swiftly exited the building. Walking wasn’t getting him anywhere. He had to run. He began to run, trying his hardest to escape the pain. It seemed to catch up to him. His heart thumped and pit pattered along with the dark rain that fell. His eyes had been partially closed, hoping he wouldn’t see the bus he prayed would hit him.

“Matthew! Matthew wait!” he heard Brian call out to him. “Matthew!! Please!” Brian ran after his friend ignoring the harsh rain the beat on his shoulders. there had been nothing on Brians feet. His appearance had not concerned him, only catching up with his friend. His voice had reached Matthew and he immediately stopped. Matthew had not turned around to face Brian. He did not want to see his face and Brian knew this. Brian took a small step forward, trying to figure out if it was appropriate to approach him. Matthews fist clenched as a stream of water slid off of him and to the ground. His wavy hair had been stuck to his face, but he had not cared. Neither of them cared.

“Matthew…” Brian began, breaking the loud silence. Matthew had not responded. He tried to make himself turn around, but he just stood there.

“You wanted to hurt me,” Matthew cried.

“No,” Brian declared softly.

“You did hurt me,” Matthew declared finally turning around. “It hurts, Brian. I’m hurting right now!” Matthew glared in the eyes of his new enemy. His eyes full of hate and sorrow. His eyes quivered and his lip trembled. Brian couldn’t tell the difference between the tears that streamed from the eyes of his friend and the rain that washed them away. Brian returned his gaze with regret. He wanted to be sympathetic, he wanted to show passion, but he couldn’t find it in him to do so.

“Why?” Matthew asked in a sob. Brian knew the answer, he knew why, but he didn’t want to tell him. He couldn’t bring himself to say the words, let alone think them. He knew he was about to lose the best thing that had happened to him. He knew he owed Matthew everything, and at the least, an explanation. But his pride had took control. he shook his head and glanced at the ground. Matthew nodded his head, disappointed. He looked at Brian, knowing he wanted to speak.

“It’s just me Damn it. It’s me, your best friend. You’re the only one I have. Brian…” Matthew cried. “Brian, I love you man, and… and… and I’m here, right here in this damn rain, and i’m asking… No I’m demanding you… My friend, that I would do anything for… to tell me why.” Matthew eyes continued to rock back and forth, waiting for a reply. Brian had not picked his head up. He searched the ground with his eyes, hoping they would reveal the answer. Brian had buried his own truth and there was no lie that had surfaced in it’s place. Brian looked up and searched his friends eyes for a little understanding, but he found none.

“Because… I love her,” Brian declared. the rain continued to fall, but there had been no sound. Matthews pupil shrunk. His heart began to heat up. Brian looked away as he rubbed his arms from the cold. there was no excuse for Brian sleeping with the girl Matthew was trying to get with. But Brian knew Matthew really had no interest in the girl. It was just his feeble attempt at covering up what he really was inside. A truth he too had buried. The thing is, No matter how hard Matthew tried to bury his secret preference, It would always confront him when he was around Brian. Brian knew this. It was all anyone talked about, but Brian valued his friendship with Matthew, but he valued the touch of a woman more.

Why did he choose the woman Matthew was trying to date? Well, opportunity had presented itself. And just like every weak man at the right time in the wrong place, he took it… the opportunity. It wasn’t to hurt his friend, it most certainly wasn’t because he loved her, but it made him wonder… Why those words. Why did he choose to blurt those words. It confused him. More than it had Matthew.

“Brian… I,” Matthew began. he closed his mouth, reconsidering his next words. He shook his head and turned around. He began to walk away, but immediately stopped as he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry Matthew! Please, I dont want to end it like this.”

“End what? Not this friendship. Is that what you thought this was? Tell me why you really did it Brian? Is it because of what almost happened?” Matthew cried.

“Nothing almost happened,” Brian declared softly, looking away at the people running from the rain.

“Why did you do this? to make me jealous?”

“No. I did it because. Because she was giving me what I needed, Matthew. And i’m sorry it was her.”

“I don’t care about her!” Matthew yelled. “Why couldn’t I…”

“Stop Matthew!” Brian declared, feeling uncomfortable. he didn’t want to upset Matthew, but he didn’t want him to finish his sentence.

“You don’t care about me. You know what you mean to me and I mean nothing to you?” Matthew declared, feeling uncomfortable to himself for sounding like a female.

“I don’t care about you? You mean nothing to me!?” Brian asked aloud. “I’m standing out here, bare feet with shorts and a tee shirt in the damn rain, begging for your forgiveness! I came after you, Matthew, because I care about you.” Matthew quickly looked around and then back at Matthew. “I love you man. You’re the best thing I got besides my girl. And she don’t even get as much attention as you. And i’m cheating on her.” Matthew turned around again to walk away.

“Matthew, please man,” Brian declared. Matthew couldn’t stand it anymore. He had built his resolve, he knew the friendship was over, there was no point hiding his feelings. No point hiding the truth. he turned around one last time, staring in the eyes of his once best friend.

“I love you Brian. Sometimes, more than I love myself. When all I have is a dollar to my name, i’m thinking of ways to spend it on you. When my phone beeps or rings, I quickly answer it on the slight chance that it’s you hitting me up. You should see my face when it’s not. When I’ve done a million things within the day and my mom ask how was my day, I think of the one moment I spent with you. Every time i hear a joke and i need to share it with someone, you’re the first person I contact. If all you needed was a heart, mines is yours to take Brian. I love you,” Matthew declared. he paused a moment to think “I’m in love with you,” he said, more to himself than to Brian.

“But the thing that kills me most, is that I think you already knew that,” Matthew declared. Brian said nothing. He looked away, which he made a habit of doing when he was in a tight situation. He slowly walked towards Matthew. He wanted to tell Matthew that he had known all along. he slowly wrapped his arms around his friend tight. Matthew grabbed his friend and cried. It was only a few seconds before Brian gently pulled away.

“I love you Matthew,” Brian declared, looking his friend in the eyes. Matthew eyes lit up. He was hurt, still hurt, but something about his friends warmth had saved him from the darkness. Something about his smile had soothed his mind. Something about his eyes reciprocated his feelings. Matthew leaned in to kiss his friend, but Brian’s hands had stop him.

“Just not like that,” Brian declared. Shame filled the face of Matthew. Brian, once again, looked away, pained that he had to hurt his friend. It had not been what he wanted. Deep down Brian knew how he had really felt, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to wake up tomorrow and call his best friend. But there would be no call. Brian took two steps back, their eyes had not moved from each other. It was as if their eyes were having a private conversation. Brian slowly turned around and ran back to the building. Matthew stood in the rain, soaked. Soaked in hurt, in pain, in confusion. His time with his friend flashed before him.

He could hear Adele playing her love lost music in his head. There would never be another like Matthew and Brian knew this. There was a limit to how far two men could go, without crossing any lines. And although Matthew was willing to cross those lines, Brian wasn’t ready to. It wasn’t that Matthew was attracted to men, but he had found his first love. A true love. Something a woman had not shown him. He looked up at the third floor window. A woman had been watching him. She bit her lip and shame at how she contributed to the hurt Matthew had been feeling. She took one last look and quickly closed the curtains. Matthew turned around and walked away, taking Adele with him.

Roses Have Thorns

Nathan didn’t ask for much. He only asked for attention. Just a little attention. The ironic part was, he had more attention than he needed. Some might have even called him an attention hog. Everyone like him, respected him, mostly because they could use him… and he would let them. Nathan was the coolest guy around and everyone knew it.

If someone was throwing a party, Nathan was there to support. If someone wanted to go on vacation and they didn’t want to go alone, They would ask Nathan, because they know he would. He was the funny guy around and he still found time to laugh at everyone else jokes. Even when it wasn’t funny. Of course this fed their ego’s and developed relationships. They loved his laugh, the way his eyes disappeared under the arch of his eyebrows and the raise of his cheeks. Nathan was a connected man, full of resources and people who adored him.

And although, Nathan had so many friends, so much attention, so many resources, Nathan was terribly lonely.

You see.. after the parties and after the laughs, after the vacations and after the corny jokes, Nathan went home alone. Stuck in the friend zone, cast off as a friend and nothing more, Nathan had no where else to go at the end of the day. Everyone had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, a child or a cousin… But Nathan had no one. No one, that is, until he met Trey.

Trey appeared to be just another one of Nathans disposable associates and neglectful friends… He wasn’t just a friend Nathan would laugh with, but he quickly found Trey to be a good listener. Trey respected Nathan, he adored and looked up to Nathan. Nathan quickly took notice to this and it made him feel special, less void. Nathan finally had a best friend…

Neither Nathan or Trey knew what a best friend was…

They soon found out their friendship would have and unfortunate draw back. Their friendship was too strong and it attracted too much attention. Negative attention. ‘

Trey didn’t have any other friends and Nathan had too many. Nathan forsook his other associates and concentrated his energy on his new friend. This made people wonder, what made Trey so special? Why did he get to get all the attention? Whispers began and because of a lack of understanding, a hint of jealousy and too much curiosity, questions followed the whispers. The faint whispers began to get louder, until one day, Trey whispered back.

Nathan laughed at the whispers and the speculations. He was happy… but Trey was uncomfortable and he would soon pull away, slowly. Trey loved his friend and he had no idea why, but he chose to show it less. Nathan slowly began to notice his friend pulling away. Trey started making new friends and spending more time with his girlfriend. He connected with old friends just to preoccupy his time.

Seeing this, Nathan began to fight for something Trey wasn’t willing to admit. You see, even though there was no sexual attraction between the two friends, Trey began to fear that someday there might be. So he decided to either cast his friend away or change their relationship.

Nathan began to feel stronger for his friend, but Trey continued to pull away. Nathan soon became Jealous of Trey’s new friends, his old friends, his family and even his girlfriend. He made time for everyone else, except for Nathan. Nathan had not accepted this. He continued to fight for something he was slowly losing.

Losing…

Something he had lost.

Nathan was beginning to annoy Trey. Every time they spoke, it had been an argument. Trey began to get tired of his friend and Nathan knew it, but he didn’t want to let his friend go. Nathan had been a better friend to Trey then Trey to Nathan. And no matter how much Nathan pleaded, Trey was gone.

One day Nathan passed by a flower shop. He glanced into the flower stand and saw a bunch of roses, but there had been one rose, that stood out among the others. There was something so peculiar about this one particular rose… It was as if it had smiled at him. Mesmerized by the sight of the rose, without thinking, without carefully evaluating it, Nathan quickly picked the rose up. He smelled the rose and smiled. There was something about this rose… Nathan turned it around and quickly dropped it.

“Ouch,” Nathan cried loudly. He glanced at his thumb, as blood began to trickle down his hand. Nathan glanced at the rose, The beautiful rose.

“Careful,” the shop keeper warned. “Did you forget? Roses have thorns.”

“I’m sorry, I guess… I didn’t expect this one, out of the whole bunch, to have thorns,” Nathan declared as he placed his thumb in his mouth.

“A rose is a rose. Now matter how beautiful, how unique or what color they appear to be, all roses have thorns, my boy. Sometimes we over look them,” said the shop keeper. He picked the rose up off the floor and placed it back in the bunch. Nathan took one more glance at the rose that had caught his attention. but he couldn’t recognize it from the others anymore. So he moved on.