Guilt’s Prison

“I remember… You… I remember  I loved you. I remember you,” I said. She smiled down at me. Tears began to escape her eyes, happy to have been let free. They ran from her eyes to her pink lips, thirsty for freedom. She forced a smile, her top lip quivering from the pain.

“Do you remember me?” My mother declared. Yeah I knew who she was, but she wasn’t the one trying to leave me. She wasn’t the one trying to break my heart. Mom would survive a few weeks of me pretending not to remember her, but I’m not too sure my relationship with Emily will. Mom stared at me with anxiousness. She leaned her head to the left, happy to know I had remembered anything at all. I tried to look deep into her eyes, trying to act as if i had seen a stranger.

She looked to my brother in despair. My silence had said enough. She thought I hadn’t remembered her, she thought I had forgotten. It was easy not to smile, with the pain emitting from my jaw and all. I looked back at Emily. She felt uncomfortable as she glanced at my mother from the corner of her eyes. She had not wanted to be the only person I remembered. It would have sufficed her for me to not have remembered her at all. I was the one who messed up after all.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” I asked my mother. My mother lightly broke down as she plunged into the arms of my younger brother.

“Oh God, he doesn’t remember his own mother,” Mom cried. She picked her head up in confusion. She quickly turned to the Doctor.  “How is this possible? How can he remember her, but not me?” She asked the Doctor.

“It’s not uncommon for him to have a selective memory. It seems to me that his memory has not returned at all. He remembered he loved her, which is an emotion. Those run deeper than memories itself. That must have been a strong love he had for you,” The doctor declared turning to Emily. Emily forced another fake smile. “You should hold on to love that strong.”

“But he loves me too!” Mom declared. I felt kinda bad for her. Maybe as the years pass, I’ll let her in on what happened.But tonight, I had to get Emily back. She glanced out the window, as she continued to hold my hand. I could tell she was pained by my touch. My loss of memory had not cured her hate, it had not consoled her broken heart.

The other girl meant nothing. She meant nothing to me and that’s what I continued to her. Emily Had stared at me that night. She had not been shocked. As if she had known what was behind the bedroom door. She knew she would find me in bed with another woman. She did not shed a tear, she just walked away. I was drunk, the other girl was drunk. Emily sped off in her car and I chased her. Although I do remember Emily and what I did to her, I don’t remember the crash.

Looking at Emily made me sad. I knew she would not… could not look at me the same again. Am I wrong for deceiving her?

“Yes!” her eyes answered back, as she stared into my eyes. Her stare brought so much guilt into my heart. Emily was a good person, a good girl. She loved me with everything she had in her. I loved her just as much, I swear! Impulse is a bitch. She would have me cheat on the woman I love. It was just a bad mixture of liquor and attraction, nothing more. i do not love this other woman. I do not want to be with her, I want Emily… I want Emily…

I want Emily…

To be happy… And staring into her eyes, made me realize, she was not happy. She’s a good girl, she doesn’t deserve the torture. I could make us stay together, I could make her  hold my hand and stand by side. I could make her kiss my lips, I could probably even make her marry me. But I could not make her love me… So I guess… I guess if I really, truly love Emily. If she is the love of my life, I should let her go. I have a shot to make her happy.

A tear rolls down my cheek at the thought of letting her go. A tear she would never shed. She looks at me with curiousness, wondering what I was thinking. She pitied me, but she did not love me. Being the person she is, she would stay with me in pity and not out of love. I squeeze her hand, hoping to feel the warmth she would always give me. I cant look away from her eyes, her beautiful eyes. Hopefully these eyes will return to me, seeking me out. Another tear rolls down my eye as I let her hand go.

“Mom?” I ask. Mother quickly picks her head up, anxious for acknowledgement. She smiles and places a hand on my cheek.

“Yes Adam, Mom is here. Do you remember me?” Mom ask. I could tell her heart was racing a mile a minute as she anxiously awaited my reply.

“Mom, how can I forget you? Of course I remember you!” I say to her. She places her hand on her heart as she begins to cry.

“Oh, my baby! Mommy is gonna take really good care of you. Don’t you worry about a thing,” She says as she smothers me with her chest. I push away with a smile. I am happy to have relieved her of her fear. I smile at my brother who rubs my hair. Mom swats his hand away and tries to fix my hair.

“Mom,” I complain, trying to push her hands away. I glance at Emily. She stares back with her forced smile. I see that she is happy for my mother, but still does not want to be in the same room as me. Her hurt reaches my heart.

“Glad you’re doing better Adam,” She finally says. I look at her and then my mother, then back at her.

“Thank you, um…” I say as if trying to remember her name. She looks at me with shock. She is dazed in her thoughts. She desperately tries to dispel her deep thought, but is immediately drawn back in as questions form in her head. Then something wierd happened. Something I hadn’t expected to see.

A smile appears on her face.

She sighs in relief and even though she tries to hide her smile, it is to wide to contain. I have done it. My last selfless act. I want to tell her I love her and I hope she lives her life happy. She is still speechless at this point.

“Her name is Emily honey. Do you remember her?” My mother ask looking back and forth between the two of us. I stare into Emily’s eyes. Her smile looked as if it’s presence had waited for my reply to decide whether it would stay or leave.

“No, I’m sorry but I don’t,” I say. “But she’s beautiful.” Emily’s smile turns into an even wider grin. Her cheeks blush as she moves the hair from her eye that decided to swing.

“But honey. You just said you knew who she was,” My mother pleaded. She looked to the doctor for an answer.

“Oh, um… well this is normal. It’s called…”
“Oh everything is normal to you doctors!” My mother declares cutting the doctor off. Emily continues to smile as she places her hand on my hand.

“Get well soon Adam. I really hope you feel better,” She declared. She Squeezed my hand and released it. She turned to leave, but my mother stood in her way.

“That’s it? You’re leaving? His memory is skipping. You being here could trigger something else,” My mother declares. She looks at me again and then at my mother.

“That’s what i’m afraid of. I really have to go. Sorry Mrs. Coldeen. Good luck and Adam… I mean it, get well,” She declared. And just like that she was gone. She hadn’t looked back. I had freed her from the prison of hate, guilt and misery she was willing to commit to.

“Well, I guess she’s not one of those , for better or worse, girls after-all. You dodged a bullet there, Adam,” My mom declared, rubbing my forehead. She sat there and began to talk, but I had not heard. I zoned out. I could not help but think to myself.

I’d take a bullet for Emily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cassowary

The turtle tank had not been cleaned in a week and the odor was beginning to fill the room. Every once and a while, everyone would glance over at the turtle tank, praying someone would dispose of it. feeling their murderous gazes, the turtle hid behind the rock, careful not to make a sound. The windows had been closed, trapping the smell that fought, so desperately, to relieve the class of it’s lingering presence. The fan had not helped at all. It bounced the smell around from nose to nose, causing more and more students to look up from their test to glance at the turtle tank.

The smell, however, had not bothered Kelly. Or maybe, she just hadn’t noticed it. She clicked her pen as she stared into the the air, lost in thought. Her test half way completed, but this had not bothered her. She was pretty sure she wasn’t going to fail the test anyway. Her glasses slid to the tip of her nose, submitting to the force of gravity. Kelly used the tip of her pen to prop it back in place, full aware that she would have to repeat the process in probably the next three minutes.

“Five Minutes guys,” Mr. Brainshaw declared. Kelly couldn’t help but notice how unusually geeky he looked today. Geeky turned her on. Brainshaw’s ocean blue eyes drowned her thoughts. She was mesmerized. It was as if he had hypnotized her with his stern stare. He would always glance at her through the top of his glasses. She would smile, but only after he would look away. The top of his shirt had three unloosed buttons. The open shirt revealed his curly black hair that was pasted to his chest. She would always get a quick look at his butt, but he never turned around long enough  for her to enjoy it. It was as if he knew she was watching.

“Pens and pencils down,” Brainshaw declared. He quickly glanced at Kelly through the top of his glasses, the way he would do with everyone and then quickly looked away. Kelly, as faithfully as always, smiled. The bell rang and the class began to move. everyone began to pack there bags as if there had just been a fire drill.

“Alright, Alright,” Brainshaw declared. “School’s out, but my class isn’t. Please place your test on my desk on the way out. Helen! that better be your name that you are writing on that test!” Helen smiled and quickly put her pen away. She smiled and handed the test to Brainshaw, but not in any ordinary way. She smiled and seductively poked her chest out. She teased him with the paper, pulling it out of his hand as he attempted to take it. He smiled and snatched it.

“I hope I pass, Mr. Brainshaw,” She said sweetly, then exited the room.

“Whore,” Kelly whispered to herself. The room quickly cleared out. Brainshaw smiled at Kelly, still in her seat. He picked up the eraser and quickly cleared the board. Kelly caught the butt show, as he stretched and reached. She smiled as she placed her pen in her mouth.

“Anything I can help you out with, Kelly?” Brainshaw asked, clapping the chalk dust from his hands.

“I was actually looking for a little… extra credit,” Kelly declared. Brainshaw laughed and straightened the papers on his desk.

“Go home, Kelly.”

“I’m serious. I don’t think I have what it takes to succeed in this class. I was wondering if you could possibly help me out?” She twirled her hair, feeling more uncomfortable then she was sexy. She began to pop gum, that did not exist in her mouth. She slowly walked to the desk and rubbed her finger on a spec on his desk. Soon realizing the spec was a booger someone had left behind, she hysterically wiped it off on one of the test. She smiled, as she continued to try and seduce Brainshaw.

“Kelly, you’re new to this class. I mean for  God sakes, you’ve only been here two weeks. You don’t know me,” Brainshaw declared, teasing her, more than putting her in her place.

“I know you’re sexy,” She teased. Brainshaw smiled at the comment. “But I also know you’re kind of… not much man down there,” She declared. Brainshaw had not been smiling any longer. Confusion rang in his ear.

“Really? Is that what you think?” Brainshaw asked sternly. Kelly nodded, while placing her finger on her mouth and a hand on the desk. She stared at him through her thin glasses, as if to tease him. She smiled, humored by his response.

“A little birdie told me that… Well, that you have a little birdie.” She took a small piece of chalk and held it close to her face. She blew on the chalk and placed it back down.

“Your information is… Who told you this?” Brainshaw asked.

“Mr. Brainshaw, you misunderstand. I think you’re sexy, either way. Blessed, or not so blessed, you’re a sweet guy.”

“There’s nothing sweet about me,” Brainshaw declared.

“Tasha seems to think so,” Kelly declared.

“Tasha is a whore,” Brainshaw declared.

“Wanda thinks you’re a sweet guy too. She said you remind her of her little brother. Body parts and all,” Kelly continued to tease.

“Wanda’s an even bigger whore, Brainshaw stated with a smile.

“Ooo, I see a pattern here Brainshaw. I think you like whores. That or you have a low opinion of your students,” Kelly declared. She was now sitting on his desk. “She leaned in close, while pulling on his tie, until she was in his ear. “What if I want to be a whore too.” She leaned back and bit her bottom lip. Her lip stick had not smeared, but continued to gloss. Brainshaw smiled. He looked her up and down. He leaned in close, while placing his hand on the desk for support.

“I’ll try not to judge,” He declared, still smiling. “Wanda and Tasha spoke to you of a bird?” Brainshaw asked. Kelly laughed a little as she pulled on his tie once again.

“A rather small one,” She declared. She began to kiss his neck, he had not stopped her.

“Have you ever heard of the Cassowary?” Brainshaw asked as he played with Kelly’s lips. He grabbed her waist, outlining her hips with his finger. She glared in his eyes and shook her head no. She then kissed his chin.

“It’s an aggressive bird. One of the most aggressive birds actually.” He caressed her back as she submitted to his touch by arching her back. “If you’re not careful,” He began.

“It can kill you.” Kelly stopped and looked him in the eyes. She searched for the meaning behind his words. “But something tells me, you’re a predator yourself,” Brainshaw declared.

“I’m sixteen. What do I know about preying.” Kelly got up and walked away from Brainshaw. “You and Wanda… Are you done with her?” Brainshaw glared up at kelly. Now it was his turn to search her eyes for meaning. “She very unstable, I would hate to have detention for a stupid fight over you.”

“I love a girl who fights over me,” Brainshaw declared, walking over to Kelly. He placed his hands on her hip and quickly looked about the window and then back at her. “I’m done with all of them, especially Wanda. I see the way you look at me in class, as if you want to tell me something,” Brainshaw declared. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear.

“Now’s your time. What is it you want to say?” Brainshaw asked as he lightly nibbled on the top of her ear.

“You’re under arrest,” Kelly declared soft;y. They both stared each other, him still holding her. Kelly slowly brought her arm around and over his grip until she lightly placed the gun to his face along with her badge. “Hands off the hips and on the desk. NOW!” she declared. Brainshaw, confused, quickly followed her instructions. It wasn’t long before the cops came running through the door. They held Brainshaw head on the desk as they cuffed him. Braisnshaw looked up at kelly with hate and anger. Kelly returned the look with pity.

“Wanda… She was fourteen, Brainshaw. Fourteen!” kelly declared.

“Was?” Brainshaw asked.

“Was,” Kelly declared.

“I had nothing…”

“To do with her death?” Kelly asked . “You may have had nothing to do with killing her, but you were the reason for her suicide four weeks ago,” Kelly declared. She threw a stick on the desk near his head. He had not recognized it at first until they pulled his head from the desk. It was a pregnancy test.  He looked up at Kelly with even more confusion.

“Yes, it’s alive and it’s yours.” She turned around and the police began to take him away.

“Wait!” Kelly declared. The men stopped. Kelly walked up to Brainshaw  and gazed at his defeated  and ashamed face. She smiled at her victory. “Brainshaw, you and I both know, That was not a Cassowary down there,” She said looking down. The officers smirked.

“But be careful, because where you’re going, they have a lot of them there. So I’d take your own advice, because you said it best. if you’re not careful…” She began as she walked towards the door. She turned around and let her hair down. She removed the glasses and broke them in two.

“They can kill you.”

Too bad

The drop of sweat had been a stubborn one. It had made its way all the way from the top of his forehead, slithering past his eyes and and creeping up the bridge of his nose, until it stopped at the tip. All the other beads of sweat had not hesitated. It was as if it was natural for them to let go and fall to the floor.

But not this one. Nope, it decided it wasn’t its time yet and it clung to the tip of Jonas nose for dear life. Another sweat from the tip of his forehead had followed the same path as the First, slithering and dipping, avoiding the pot holes he called eyes, until finally it reached the tip of his nose as well. Jonas immediately woke, causing both drops to fall to the floor below. They disappeared, in what appeared to be, the red sand below, cleansing their existence. Jonas looked around, He could see clearer than he was able to five minutes ago. He didn’t even have his glasses. But the sudden strength in sight wasn’t what bothered Jonas the most. Confusion and fear clung to his heart as he noticed, he had been chained to the wall. The wall slanted a little bit, as if it were to collapse at any given moment.

He grabbed the chains that bound him, trying to figure out how tight they had been. He pulled and yanked and tugged, but the chains would not budge. Jonas started to panic, as he began to notice that the chains weren’t just binding him to the wall, but part of the chains seemed to have been fused to his body. There were burn marks all over his arms and legs. Confusion began to climax in the mind of Jonas. Fear began to climax in his heart. He heard distant screams and it had only made him even more afraid. He was afraid to scream, maybe if he stayed quiet, they wouldn’t know he was awake. Well… thats what he thought anyway.

A woman screamed behind him, as if she was directly on the other side of the wall. Her scream wasn’t a fearful scream, but it was more real, more vicious. it was a scream of pain and Jonas could hear it all in her voice. Jonas heard another scream, but it was more sinister. Every time the woman would scream, Jonas would here the deep dark scream right after, as if to mock her. Cries followed and then dark laughter. Jonas began to tug on the chains even harder. He looked up in front of him, as he watched a very tall, very thin man arranging tools on a shelf. his back had been to Jonas and he was extremely quite.

Jonas thought his heart could’t beat faster, but it had and he was afraid, so afraid. he began to cry, trying to figure what happened. Why was he here? Where was he? What was going to happen next? But more importantly, who was the tall man and where did he come from? Was he there the whole time/ Jonas thought maybe he should calm down. What ever was going to happen would happen and there was nothing he could do. Maybe he should just figure out what was going on. He took three deep breathes and quickly closed his eyes. he opened them again and stared at the tall man that continued to work, as if he was preparing for something.

“Sup?” Jonas asked, trying to remain cool. He tried not to show fear, but his teeth wouldn’t stop chattering. his voice was shaky, it couldn’t be helped.

“Sup?” the man responded normally. Jonas hadn’t expected such a normal response, with a normal voice. the man had no shirt. His spine looked as if it was going to fall out. He looked as if he hadn’t eaten in years. Never the less, His response made Jonas feel a little better. Maybe Jonas could talk sense into him.

“Whatcha doin over there buddy?” Jonas asked, teeth still chattering.

“Um… I am preparing,” The strange man declared.

“Preparing for what?”

“I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but… It’s nothing good Jonas, I’m not going to lie to you.”

“Who are you and what do you want from me?”

“Who am I? Well, that’s kind of a difficult question to answer Jonas. You never believed in me before, so why try to convince you now. As far as what I want… well, you’ve already given it to me about…” The man glanced at the wall to his left. A clock squeezed it’s way through the wall. Jonas had not recognized the type of clock. It had more than 12 dials on it. It then squeezed it’s way back into the wall and disappeared.

“… about five minutes ago,” The man continued. He turned around to face Jonas. Jonas couldn’t even begin to dream of what was going on and who this man had been, but one thing had been extremely certain when he turned around. This being standing in front of him was no man. It had six eyes and all sharp teeth. His tongue had been split. One of his eyes seemed to have been burned. Jonas gasped in fear. The chains that had been bound to Jonas began to heat up. The room began to get really stuffy and Jonas couldn’t breathe.

“The chains!” Jonas cried out, as he tugged on the chains. “The chains are burring me!” he cried.The being had stood there and watched. Neither five eyes blinked. He did not smile, nor did he move. He stood there emotionless, just staring. The chains turned fire red as they began to scorch him. Jonas let go the greatest scream in his life. the pain was unbearable. It seemed to have lasted for hours, until finally it stopped. Jonas head fell down in exhaustion, but more than exhaustion, he felt thirsty.

“Please… what did I do?” Jonas cried.

“You did nothing, Jonas. You did nothing and that was your mistake,” The being declared. Jonas glanced at his body, only to see, what doctors might have called, The worse kind of burn scars. They burned so deep that it tore his flesh. The dark figure lifted up a big bucket. “Thirsty?” he asked. He then threw the liquid unto Jonas. Jonas screamed as he arched his back in even more pain. Jonas cried and sobbed, snot and drool releasing form his mouth. He thought he had pissed for the third time. The alcohol the figure had thrown on him had not ceased. It continued to burn. the being, again, stood there emotionless.

“Please stop,” Jonas cried.

“Thank you. I must say Pleading down here, is like giving a door man a $50 dollar tip. it only means I’m doing my job right. and I haven’t even gotten to the good part.” The being set the bucket down and walked away. he came back into the room with company.

“They wanted to say hi to you, Jonas. The being teased. It was his mother, little brother, grand mother and girlfriend. there had been another man he hadn’t recognized. Jonas tried to cover himself, as he had been naked. His mother began to cry as she held his grandmothers hand and held his little brother.

“Release Him! let him go now!” his mother cried

“We need you bro, come on, fight it,” The little brother said as he cried. The chains began to heat up again and Jonas began to scream. he saw his mother crying as she watched. his girlfriend, however had not cared. She was in the arms of another man as they made out. This made Jonas upset. Had she ever cared about him. Jonas let off more screams as flames engulfed him this time. The last thing he remembered was a highway, a crash. Then it hit him… Was he dead? Was he in hell? What happened friend? did he die as well?

“I can answer your questions Jonas,” The being said, aware of everything he was thinking, everything he was feeling. He knew it all.

“Yes, you’re in hell. And worse part is, you’re going to be here for a long…” The being had not finished his sentence. there was darkness and then immediate light. Jonas looked to the ceiling as he was being rolled away. He could see the lights passing down on the hall.

“He’s back, good work doctor. I want an EMP over here stat. I don’t want to lose him again. You’re going to be ok, son,’ the doctor explained.

“Don’t let me die, please don’t let me die. I don’t want to go back,” Jonas cried, too afraid to stop talking.

“We got you son. we’re not going to let you…” There had been a flash of light and then darkness. Jonas immediately opened his eyes and found he had been back in his chains. He had been naked, but the atmosphere had changed. It felt like he was in a freezer. The five eyed being finally smiled and held his heart.

“Well, that was close. They almost saved you. Too bad,” The being declared. He then quickly picked up his whip.